At 62…Excited NOW!!!

Excited NOW!!!

That was the text I got from Mike when he was well and truly on top of the world.

I got it when he was sitting on a hill on Prince of Wales Island, watching my ferry go past when I was coming to the island for my very first time.

I got it when we decided to join forces and live the rest of our lives together.

I got it when the planets aligned and we found our home in Dover.

I got it when we were turning on to our mountain road for the very first time, complete with moving vans.

And I got it when he was coming home from Alaska, ready to start our lives together – finally with all of our stuff under the same roof – never dreaming that six short weeks later we would get the cancer diagnosis.

Excited NOW! That’s the feeling I got whenever I saw a text from Mike…when my phone rang and it was Mike…when I got his text messages.

After Mike died, I didn’t think I would ever be excited again. I’ve done a lot of thinking these past two-and-a-bit months. And I’ve decided that’s just plain wrong.

I’ve felt Mike with me from the moment he left this earth. First, it was the incredible peace that suffused me and has never left. Then, it was bits of knowledge, hints that just come to me about specific ways to do things, or tasks that need doing. He’s come to me in energy – that full-out Mike energy that left everyone else breathless in his path.

But I realized that when I spent hours, days railing at what happened to him, to us – he pulled away. I would feel him much less during those times. He wanted no part of it. Mike never liked it when I wasted time. And that kind of grief isn’t productive.

He’s been with me every step of these busy last few weeks, getting ready to go to Alaska. I don’t know what I’ve forgotten, I’m worried about the car, I hope the animals do well on the ferry – and on and on. But that’s MY mind talking. Mike is saying – Relax. You got this. I’m right here with you, every step of the way. He’s laughing. He’s ready to go.

We leave tomorrow morning. I may be crazy to do this, but I’d be crazier if I didn’t. I love the woman Mike Powell brought to life – and so did he. I’m not going to lose her to grief.

Wheels roll in the AM. Excited NOW…at 62.