At 62…What’s in a name?

I have been Jane Carrie Patrick since birth. I changed my name in 1979, when I entered a huge mistake of a marriage which lasted less time than it took the lawyers to separate us. For that very brief time, I felt an imposter.

I am the last of Daddy’s immediate family to carry his name. All of my work credits are under JC Patrick. In 1980, I decided to remain who I am for the rest of my life – both personally and professionally.

I answered to Mrs. Uhlig and Mrs. Berkowitz on the rare occasions that I was addressed as such. I added Uhlig to my last name on Catlin’s birth announcement so that future generations would understand that her dad and I were married! But legally and personally, Jim and Catlin were Uhlig and I remained Patrick. Our family with Al sounded like a law firm – Berkowitz, Patrick and Uhlig.

And then came Michael. We were halfway there with the same initial for a last name. All of the P monograms we each had on various items worked for both of us. We were the P&P team, as Mike dubbed us. He had the best sense of humor, and he came up with lots of comedic variations on the team name. One of my favorites was the “P&P Get the &@”$ Outta Here Team” – we used that one a lot!

When Mike first got sick, I became Mrs. Powell at the hospital. It always frustrated me, because I wasn’t. We corrected them at first, then just let it go. Mike said he felt like I’d been his wife for a very long time anyway – we just hadn’t made it legal.

When Michael did ask me to marry him, we thought we had a good stretch of time ahead of us. They called Mike the miracle man. He’d already been in remission once. He was active, eating anything he wanted. This new medication was on track to buy us a good year to eighteen months, maybe more. And then we’d go to the next medical option, whatever that might be. His doctors were optimistic that he would continue to keep the cancer at bay. No one had any idea our time would be cut so tragically short.

We eloped to the courthouse between radiation treatments – and that fit our crazy world perfectly. Our kids didn’t even know until later, and in retrospect, that’s one surprise we should have shared in advance. I still wish we’d video-taped the ceremony on a cell phone. There was just Mike, me, the minister and his wife. We were in our jeans. It was cold, and Michael didn’t even take off his coat. We were on a mission – to legalize what we’d already promised each other long ago – and then let Mike get home to rest after his cancer treatments. Mike beat the minister in saying “I WILL!” in a strong, confident voice. We locked eyes and hands – blue eyes to blue eyes – and summed up in vows everything we’d been living and loving for the last few years.

After the wedding, Michael and I discussed the name issue. He told me to do what I wanted – but neither of us thought it made sense to change my work name after a whole career – which meant that legally, I would remain Patrick. But Powell in our personal life would work for both of us, if I wished to do it. I wasn’t sure, and he didn’t want to influence my decision either way.

We had a quick ER visit a little while after the wedding. They were orienting Mike, trying to be sure he knew where he was. “And who’s this pretty lady over here?” “My wife.” “And what’s her name?” “JC…POWELL!!” I laughed and laughed – with that very strong emphasis, he’d made known his preference for my new name!

After the wedding, I got a thrill every time I was called Mrs. Powell, or when I saw something addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Powell. It tickled Mike, but It amazed me. Who was I? I’d never wanted the name change before. I wanted to remain separate. But Mike and I were partners. We were family. We had come full circle to each other, and we had been through so much together in such a relatively short time. Our partnership was complete, and that’s who I was. Who I am.

But our modern data systems won’t let me split my world so easily. If my checks say Patrick, then my ID, etc, must as well. So, in my legal world and in my business life, I will remain Patrick. But in my personal life, even though Michael’s not here, I will continue to be Jane Carrie (or JC) Patrick Powell. Mrs. Powell. It’s who I became – who I am. And it’s the way I will continue to honor Mike for the rest of my life.

Even though I am now technically his widow, I prefer to think of myself as his wife. It makes me proud, and every time his name is uttered, his memory is still alive. The sadness fades, and only the happy times and the laughter remain.

I’m still the other half of the P&P team…at 62 – and beyond.