I learned something new this weekend. I always knew that a man walks on the outside of the woman as the couple strolls down the street. He protects her from danger and from splashy puddles.
But did you know there’s a protective side of the bed? Half my Southern friends seem to know this – the other half are as mystified as I. Come to find out, the man is supposed to sleep on the side of the bed closest to the door. That way, when shooting at an intruder, he doesn’t have to shoot over his wife to eliminate the threat.
This started me thinking, and I’d say that theory depends completely on how the bedroom is set up! But yes, that seems to be the pattern. For most of my life, I’ve been guarded by a silent protection that I never knew was happening.
I’m an extremely independent woman. I’ve always had a career, usually brought in an equal (or larger) income, shared household and childcare duties, could shoot my own intruder, and my positions required out of town travel and attendance at evening events. About the only thing I looked for protection from was large bugs!
But there is an interdependence in a committed relationship. We take care of and protect each other – we have someone to shop with, a listening ear, a built-in dinner companion, someone to fetch Kleenex when we’re sick, and financial support to help pay the bills. We teach each other life skills. In short, we have each other’s backs.
When Mike came into my life, I was protected in ways I not only didn’t ask for – but in ways I didn’t fully realize until I stopped to think about them. He just naturally took the alpha role, which took me a minute to get used to, but I found I enjoyed it. He loved and praised my independence, but he also enjoyed standing between me and the world.
In 2017, we moved two homes into one. We spent months packing, sorting, selling, lifting and moving truckloads of stuff. Mike left for Alaska after his final load, leaving me to drive my big Penske moving van on my own. I was not pleased.
But we both knew I could do it, and do it I did. When I got to Dover, I just looked around and laughed. As much as he could with what was there, Mike had set up the house for my arrival.
The bed was made and the curtains hung. The shower was set up with my shampoo, soap and shower puff. I’m deathly allergic to wasps, and there were no fewer than three brand-new cans of Raid beside each door and along every porch railing. And on and on – I found little kindnesses all summer long. He might not have been there to meet me – but he was protecting me all the way from Alaska.
Those unexpected smiles and silent hugs made that long, hot summer of unpacking and setting up our home much easier to enjoy. Those are the sweet things I miss now that I’m alone. I find it more than ironic that the woman who had such a hard time letting herself be cared for – and who winded up enjoying it wholeheartedly – is now, once again, forging ahead on her own.
I guess the bottom line is that we take care of ourselves in this life. Having a partner eases out the bumps in the road, and just flat makes life a whole lot more fun. Sometimes, life makes other choices for us, and we have to find that fun all by ourselves. Whether single or together, there are all kinds of protection that we give each other along life’s journey. Just checking on a friend is a blessing – for both of us.
Enjoying the acts of protection I both give and receive…at 62.
At 62 